I start my new job on Monday.  I never imagined that I’d be so excited, anxious, overwhelmed & stressed all at the same time.  I feel like a young kid about to start my first day of school.

• Will they like me?
• What should I wear?
• Will I remember how to solve math problems?
• Should I bring lunch money or pack my lunchbox? 

It’s like I’ve been out on an extended summer break. The only difference is that I didn’t spend my time playing with my friends, swimming in the pool and playing catch in the park.  I’ve spent my time stressing about finding a job rather than enjoying the “gift” of time I was given. 

I was recently talking to a friend about the interesting dynamics of unemployment.  As an adult, there is rarely a time where you have an extended period of non-work days.  So when you find yourself unemployed, you are given the odd opportunity to control your schedule, spend time doing things you enjoy and have freedom that isn’t available to you when you are working a full time career.  The problem is of course, that you are so consumed with the realities of unemployment, that you don’t actually take time to enjoy this gift of free time. 

As I was talking to this friend we mentioned how different the time would have been if you were afforded the opportunity to know when you’d find work again. Whether you were told you’d be jobless for 6 weeks or for 18 months, I bet if you knew that it was a finite period of time, you could actually find a way to use your time differently.  Yes, you’d still job hunt, network and do all things necessary to find gainful employment.  But hey, let’s be honest you cannot job hunt every minute, of every day, for months on end.  Imagine if you could wash away all the stress that comes from the unknown (which at times is truly all consuming), and learn to find time to do things that you enjoy.. things that bring you happiness rather than anxiety? 

I imagine that I’d have had a vastly different experience over the past 7 months. 

So here I go, diving back into the world of the gainfully employed.  I’m about to give up all this “free time” to get my career back on track.   Having had the experience of unemployment I can definitely say that I’ve also been able to gain a new perspective on being employed.  I’ve had some time to think about what’s important in my life, how much of a role my job should play (remember I was challenged when I first lost my job to convince myself that “I am not my job”) and to find other ways to define myself.  It’s been an incredible journey.  And, I think I’m almost ready to take the next step (and even if I’m not ready… Monday will be here before I know it!)

I’ve spent some time this week trying to set the stage for getting back to a regular work schedule.  

Take for instance Tuesday night.. when I stayed up until 3:00am watching episodes of The Ultimate Cake Off on TLC.  Yes, I did say THREE-AM!  What the heck is wrong with me??

I have less than a week until I have to start working again and instead of structuring my schedule to ensure that I’m well rested and I’m going to be able to drag my sorry ass out of bed when my alarm goes off Monday morning, I’m staying up late to watch mind-numbing TV.  You may have noticed that I had this exact same problem when I started real estate school.

In general I am not a morning person, and I have a hard time getting going in the morning.  So, when I was gainfully employed I was pretty much in bed and asleep at 11:00 every night.  But now, my lights out time ranges from 12:00-3:00am and my getting up time ranges from 7:30am (on the rarest of occasions) to 10:00am (more likely). 

So why, you may ask (and even if you didn’t I’m gonna tell you anyway, cause, well… this is my blog)…am I staying up until 3:00am?  I have to admit it’s because this particular show took me on a little journey through fantasyland.  And, I have to say I was enthralled.  If you haven’t seen this show, it showcases phenomenal cake decorators in a competition to design a custom cake over 5 ft tall, in only 9 hours.  Their artistic vision is just simply amazing.  These master decorators create cakes with such intricate detail and such beauty, that I’m simply awestruck.  I couldn’t conceive of creating a cake in nine months (yes, the time it takes to grow a new born child) much less in 9 hours.

And, on many levels it makes me wish that I had some sort of talent..  Now, don’t get me wrong.. I do have skills and there are many things I’m good at but I don’t feel that I have any true talents.  The people who make these cakes are artists.  They have creative abilities I can only dream of and they have a passion for what they do. It made me wish that there was something I loved to do, that made me feel fulfilled, that was a true talent, that could inspire others.  Because that’s what I felt as I watched the folks make their cakes.. truly inspired and amazed.

 

So needless to say, that’s why I stayed up until 3:00am.. to immerse my self in the beauty of these cakes and to fully appreciate the art & talent that goes into making them.  And to dream a little dream that someday I’ll discover what it is that I love to do that’s more than just a paycheck.

This past weekend I went to see a movie… Up In The Air.

 

• Sounds like a cute romantic comedy right?
• Or maybe an animated flick about hot air balloons?
• Or maybe even an action movie about a hostile airplane hijacking….

 

Or it could quite possibly be, a smack you in the face, harsh dose of unemployment reality, masked as a cute new movie by George Clooney.

This movie should have come with a simple disclaimer before it began showing.  The disclaimer could have said something like this.

WARNING!

If you are unemployed or were recently laid off, downsized or outsourced and you are struggling with the lack of compassion in corporate America this is NOT the movie for you.  The $10+ you just spent on this movie will be refunded if you promptly exit the theater.  And, your already fragile mental state will remain intact just as it is.. 

If you chose to stay, this movie may send you spiraling into a deeper misery.

But alas, there was no disclaimer.  So I sat down with my tub of popcorn and got ready to take in the cute smile and sexiness of Mr. Clooney.   And oh boy, I was quick to realize that this film was much more than a cutsie, lighthearted, romantic glimpse into the life of a frequent traveler.  Or, as the trailer promised:

Ryan Bingham, a corporate hatchet man who loves his life on the road, is forced to fight for his job when his company downsizes its travel budget. He is required to spend more time at home just as he is on the cusp of a goal he’s worked toward for years: reaching five million frequent flyer miles and just after he’s met the frequent-traveler woman of his dreams. 

Now, I do realize that the sentence above contains the words, “hatchet man”, “fight for his job” and “downsizing”.  So, I should have been somewhat prepared for it to have moments of seriousness or for it to show dear sexy George, struggling with some employment challenges.  But I have to be honest and say that I got way more than I expected when it came to all too realistic depictions of heartless lay offs.  And, all too realistic reactions from employees who were on the receiving end of these messages.  I guess maybe, it just all hit too close to home for me.

I won’t go on record saying it was a bad movie and I don’t want to share any spoilers in case you do plan on seeing it.  The acting was well done, and the story had a twinge of realism that made me uncomfortable.  And, I suppose those are two goals of any movie.  But for me, I felt unprepared for the realism and I found myself saying a couple of times that it’s a really good thing that I didn’t see this movie months ago when I was having one of my down swing days during my unemployment.  I’m really happy that I waited until I had a new job to see this film.

So, take it from me…. If you are planning on seeing this movie and you have indeed found yourself in that horribly uncomfortable chair hearing that horrible message that “your job is no longer available”, please be prepared for a number of uncomfortable moments in the theater.  And also be prepared to be impacted in very personal way by many of the scenes in this movie.

Now that I know I’m about to begin a new job there are a variety of things that I’ve had to contend with.

1)      Fast forwarding those projects that I’ve been ignoring.   As you know, I’ve mentioned that I’m a fantastic procrastinator in my personal life.  As an unemployed person it was always possible to “put something off until tomorrow”.  So, there are actually things around the house that have remained undone for months and months and now I’m like… “oh, crap I need to get that done immediately before I start working and the project sits there forever”.

2)      Reorganize my commitment schedule.   This is an interesting one… I actually made the mistake of continuing to live my life while I was unemployed (this is actually a contrast to 2009 where I mostly sat around in my PJs).  I made it a point in 2010 to make plans, put things on my calendar and so on. There mere fact that I made plans & commitments for my future has put me in a unique position because many of the things I’ve committed to doing now conflict with my new job (obviously I’m not available on a Tuesday in Feb anymore!).  Guess I’ll be canceling a lot of things!

3)      Managing my anxiety.  For months I’ve wanted nothing but a job and I’ve had to deal with heavy duty job searching stress & anxiety.  And, now what do you think I have??  Heavy duty new job stress & anxiety.  I feel like I’m simply out of practice.  I need to readjust my sleep schedule, I need to re-engage my brain, I need to set an alarm, get up and shower every day.  These seem like simple things but they are actually quite overwhelming given that I haven’t had to live like this for 7 months!

4)      A wardrobe overhaul.  We all know that I’ve been cultivating a nice unemployed muffin-top.  This lovely addition to my mid-section is working in direct conflict with my pre-unemployment business attire.  So, I now need to separate all my suits & work clothes into pre-unemployment & post unemployment fits.  And, I’m finding that there are far too many items in the pre-unemployment sizes.. I really need to get a jump start on the muffin-top reduction simply so I have some actual clothes to put on each day!

 

I’m sure there are more things that I have to take care of with the week I have left before I begin working again. Hopefully I can get everything done and start this new job fully prepared (both personally & professionally)!  It’s a big undertaking and it’s definitely causing me stress but it needed to happen and I’m glad I’m finally on this new path.  A path that’s actually headed towards something versus a path that’s weaving around aimlessly!

Today is my 210^th day of unemployment.  Why am I all of a sudden counting in days rather than months??  Well, it’s because today is THE day I’ve been dreaming of for 210 days.  Today is the day that I accepted a new job!

I actually received the offer on Thursday of last week, and I’ve been sweating out negotiations and follow-up from this new company for the past 5 days.   This particular company sure did like to keep me waiting anxiously, on the edge of my seat.  This is also the company who put me through the most rigorous interview process I’ve ever experienced. It’s also the company that I started conversing with as far back as October of last year.  I guess you can say that it’s been quite a roller coaster few months… which also probably adds to why my blog has taken a backseat on my schedule.  I’m been very overwhelmed by this hiring process and I’ve been so hesitant to actually blog about a lot of it…..

In all honesty, I’ve wanted to share details for quite a while now.  I wanted to share how anxious I was, waiting for their offer last week, and how stressed I’ve been all weekend waiting to hear their follow-up.  But, I was so fearful that if I merely whispered that an offer was coming, I’d somehow reap some horrific karma and the entire opportunity would evaporate before my very eyes.

I don’t like to think of myself as superstitious and I don’t really ever think that cosmic forces are working against me but, I’d had quite a few positive things happen for me in January and I was afraid to talk about how promising this opportunity looked before it was solid.   I guess that’s what happens to you after job searching for 7 months… you wind up being incredibly concerned that teeny, tiny little things you do will somehow sabotage your tenuous future!

There are many days where I wondered what I might write if I ever heard those sought after words…. You’re hired!  And today, thankfully I have that opportunity.

So here goes..

These past 7 months have been the most difficult & challenging time of my life.  I’ve had emotional lows that I couldn’t have imagined, I’ve watched my mental faculties become soft & mushy, I’ve read many books, I’ve started 2 blogs, I’ve gone to school for real estate and I’ve learned to challenge myself as I struggled with motivation, sleeplessness and self doubt.  I never dreamed that I’d ever experience something so mentally & emotionally taxing.  And I understand now, that you simply can’t comprehend what it’s like to be unemployed until it happens to you.  It’s a life lesson that I truly wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But in the midst of all of this, being unemployed has given me the opportunity to connect with a wonderful network of new people… many of these new people have unfortunately shared my circumstances.  They are professional people, who look just like me, who had careers & paychecks and goals.   There’s an amazing online ocommunity of people who have been sharing similar challenges, and diligently job hunting just like me and it’s been wonderful connecting with many of you.  I thank you for listening to me whine, & rant and complain… in my pajamas, with my ever growing muffin top.  Hopefully, more often than not, I made you chuckle. Because I do believe, that if you can keep a sense of humor & laughter in your life, you can make it through anything!

I’m not 100% sure where this blog is headed after this.. At this point I’d like to continue it but, I have to give some thought to how to best transition to my new “employed life” vs my “leisure life”.   I’m sure I can find other things that bother me, new people who are stupid, and other daily topics that are worthy of blogging about. 

I thank you for joining me on the 1^st leg of my journey but, it’s not over yet!!  So, please do stop back.. as my story certainly doesn’t end here.  (I still do have that muffin top that I need to get rid of)!

And for those of you still job hunting…. I wish you far more than the best of luck.  Keep your head up, keep laughing (even when it’s hard) and stay focused.  Some day (hopefully soon) you’ll be starting a new leg of your journey too!

Here’s my pet peeve of the week.  Splitting the check. 

Ok, it’s out there and I’m sure it has the potential to stir people up. But, I’m curious to know how you feel. 

I know there are significant arguments from each side of the fence when it comes to how to divide up the bill at a restaurant. 

• Sally only had a side salad
• Jim ordered appetizers & dessert & lobster!
• Bob drank 6 martinis 

I have lived my life as a person who counts up the # of people at the table and divides that # by the amount of the check PLUS a 20% tip (I’ve held many jobs in the service industry and I’m a firm believer that unless you’ve provided horrific service you deserve a 20% tip).   I’m very fortunate that I’ve surrounded myself with a group of friends who have a similar philosophy and who truly believe that it all balances out in the end.  Meaning that if I’m only drinking soda today, there will indeed be a day where I’ve ordered 4 glasses of wine. 

And I will say, that we may at times, make a concession if we see something that’s completely out of whack.   If I ordered a $40 bottle of wine that I fully consumed myself, I would undoubtedly expect to toss in more money.  And, if we noticed that one person really only ate an appetizer when the rest of us all had full dinners, we may suggest that person contributes slightly less.  I like to think that we are fair and reasonable with our check dividing and in all honesty, if you don’t like it, then don’t come to dinner with us.  

Even as I’m unemployed, I still believe in this philosophy and, if I choose to go out to eat with friends I still fully expect to pull my weight when the check comes.  If I wasn’t prepared to split the check I should stay home.  Now, many of my friends are understanding of my situation and would probably give me some slack but I’m not going to ask them to change the way we normally do things just because I don’t have a job.   It’s my responsibility to prepare my wallet for an outing… otherwise I could choose to not go. 

If your entire group decides to employ a different philosophy that includes passing around the check so each person can count up their total cost, that’s obviously your option.  However, in my experience this method almost always leaves the person organizing the check in a crappy predicament when all the money is finally passed to them.  It’s often too little to cover the bill plus the tip… and then what?  

• There’s the person who doesn’t want to put in any more money, who conveniently needs to run to the bathroom
• There’s the couple down the end that argues their point explaining how they determined their contribution
• There’s the girl who sits there, sucking on that last ice cube from her empty drink, pretending she can’t hear what’s going on 

So ultimately, there’s someone who becomes frustrated with the process, who inevitably digs into their own pocket to make up the difference so the waitress doesn’t get screwed.  So, in my opinion, that’s why this method often doesn’t work.  And yes, I do realize that sometimes you will wind up with the correct amount and even on occasion with a bit more, but I’ve found that more times than not, somebody in the group is getting screwed and making up the difference. 

For this reason, the only method I can support is splitting the check equally… and, if you don’t like it, I suppose we won’t be dining out together (assuming, I get a job and can resume my eating out schedule!)

That’s it, my rant for Thursday is over, thanks for listening.. and please feel free to share your thoughts!

I think I’ve uncovered the mystery of why so many older folks drive so slow.  I think it’s actually so much more than driving, I think it’s a metaphor for their new found lives.  These folks have finally discovered how to live their lives in the slow lane.  They’ve learned that nothing horrible happens if they’re not rushing.  That the earth doesn’t shatter if it takes them 10 minutes longer to get to the grocery store and that they’d rather spend all day doing something that brings them happiness rather than get irritated by all those honking horns and tailgaters. 

The longer I’m unemployed the more I’ve learned to just coast thru my days.  I don’t need to think about all that much. I don’t really have a schedule or agenda.  I do things as they come to me (if they come to me) and in general, my entire life has slowed to a crawl.  On the days where I’m not freaking out because I have no job, it’s been a nice change. 

There actually seem to be a lot of similarities between retirement & unemployment.   Most notably, the idea that you don’t actually have anything to do each day.  Sure, you can fill your time with activities of your choice, because after all, your time, truly is your time.  But you don’t have to do anything.  And, while this is a happy time for those people who have worked their whole lives and who have earned a retired life of relaxation, I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing for those of us who are unemployed. 

For 6 months I’ve been coasting along happily, in the slow lane (ok, maybe occasionally I was flicking off some people behind me…).  But 2010 came around and I’ve actually had a ton of things to do, my days are filled with activities, my weekends are filled with real estate and I’m having an incredibly difficult time readjusting (if you’re a regular reader, you’ve probably noticed my blogging schedule is all screwed up!).  All of a sudden I can hear those car horns honking, I can feel my stress level rising and I’m really struggling to shift back and change lanes.  I’m guess I’m glad it’s happening now so that I can be fully readjusted if I ever do enter the world of full time employment, but re-engaging my brain and speeding up my life has definitely been challenging. 

So, my dear blog readers.. that’s my update, it’s why I can’t seem to keep a normal blog schedule, it’s why sometimes I write stuff that makes no sense and it’s also why I’m back to having sleep issues because some of my stress & anxiety have come back full-force, and I can’t sleep properly anymore.  So, although 2010 has started off well, I can tell already that it’s going to be a year of change for me!

How’s 2010 been for you so far?

Well, I just recently celebrated my 6^th month unemployment “Canniversary”. 

With this anniversary you receive a special gift.   The most important gift to someone in my shoes is of course, an extension of unemployment benefits. 

Now, as with most government programs, there are a few things you should know. 

1. There is not a ton of information shared with you upfront (so you rarely understand what’s going on or what you need to do)
2. Most government employees know, in fact, just a little as you do (so when you call them you rarely get the correct answer)

So, as I moved closer to the date where my 1^st allotment of benefits would be exhausted, I could see the bank of money moving closer & closer to ZERO on my government check.  I realized I had no idea what happens next, so like any normal person, I decide to call the unemployment office with a few questions. 

This, I can assure you, is quite a feat.  In NJ when you dial the unemployment # you hear a recording.. it says something like “due to the volume of calls we receive, we cannot take your call now, please try again later”  CLICK.  You are then sitting there, phone in hand, wondering how on earth you actually get to speak to someone since they have disconnected you and suggested you try again.  No queue, no suggestion of how to speak to a live person.  Just a recording then BAM!..disconnected. 

So, I hang up and try again… same recording.  I hang up and try again…. same recording.   I’d have better luck calling a radio station trying to the be 50^th caller to win 2 tickets to see Ashlee Simpson (although this is probably a bad example since there are probably far more people calling unemployment than there would ever be trying to go see Ashlee Simpson). 

So, I replay this scenario for something like 10-15 minutes.  No joke, I literally dial, get the recording, get disconnected, hang up and dial again for almost 15 minutes.  Then finally SUCCESS!  I get a different recording that says I’ll be put into a queue and that the approximate wait time is 25 minutes.  45 minutes later I do indeed get someone on the phone. 

This guy proceeds to tell me that extensions are automatic so I don’t need to actually do anything but that the balance left in my “bank” will not be sufficient to cover a full 2 weeks of payments.   So, he tells me to claim benefits the following week (which is only 1 week rather than the normal 2 weeks) and then to call back to have them “push thru a manual payment for the difference”.   

OK… I feel like I understand and then I sit there for a moment, wondering what else I can ask him to make my 1 hour wait worthwhile.. there must be something else??  So, I ask him if he knows when Ashlee Simpson will be playing next in NJ… and he says “huh?”.  And, I say, I feel like I’ve earned some Ashlee Simpson tickets based on how many times I had to call in.. and he’s all..”ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about”.  And, I’m all.. “you know Ashlee Simpson, that girl who lip synched on SNL a few years back… how do I get concert tickets?” And, he’s all “you do know you called the unemployment office right”.. and I’m like.. “yeah but”… OK, so maybe none of that last part happened, but it would have been funny and maybe I’ll try it the next time I need to call them. (Perhaps I should also clarify that I actually wouldn’t go to see Ashlee Simpson… even if the tickets were indeed free!)

So, this past week I put thru my claim (I do them on line) for my last week.. which processes a check for me, less than it should be.  But I’m pretty good at following directions so I call the unemployment office again.  Dial, recording, disconnected, hang up.  Dial, recording, disconnected, hang up.  The magic amount of time seems to be about 12 minutes and then BAM.. I’m in… “the wait time is approximately 25 minutes”. 

Finally a woman comes on the phone.  I explain that I’ve exhausted my benefits and that “the guy” from last week told me to call so you can “push thru a manual payment for the difference”.   And, she’s like “huh?”.  “The guy last week told me that that I should process my claim a week early and then call you”.  So, what do you think she said?? “that’s not what you should have done at all, and I don’t think I can process a manual payment to you.  You’ll need to wait for the extension to kick-in, then process your normal 2 week claim, then, and only then, we may be able to process a check for the difference”.  Then, those dreaded words…. “so, you’ll need to call us back after you file your next claim”.

Wonderful, now I have half of a week’s check and no one at the unemployment office seems to be on the same page.  AND,  I now need to go thru this ridiculous process all over again in another week.   I’m not sure why I’m surprised.  Actually I’m really not surprised at all, just frustrated because it’s impossible to get a straight answer out of them, and depending on who you get on the phone the answer can very significantly! 

Anyhow… Happy Canniversary to me!

I hate Cobra benefits with a passion.  There I said it.

And, the more exposure I have to them, the more I’m beginning to truly think about them as snakelike…. They sink their teeth into you and you die a slow painful death.

They are absurdly expensive and, in my experience, pretty incompetent (at least the company that manages mine is…).

When I first lost my job, I went on Cobra rather than switching directly to my husband’s company, my (silly) logic was, that I’d find a job quickly and rather than start health insurance with his company, and have to change a month or so later, I’d just switch to cobra.  (Hubby & I each had our own medical benefits from our individual companies. We were however both on my dental benefits as my company’s plan was better).

Let me give you an overview of the last 6 months: 

July – I get my first notification from them and it shows that I’m covered for medical & dental benefits for JUST myself (WHAT?  My dental plan has always been for 2 people)

Mid-July – After numerous phone calls to them, I get hubby added BACK onto my plan

August – I’m getting new bills saying I owe them back payments from July for hubby’s dental.  The only thing is… my old employer covered my full cobra payment for my first month of my unemployment (Uhm… no, I don’t owe you any money!)

Mid-August – I’ve had something like 3 conversations, with 3 different people trying to “audit” my account so that my monthly payments are indeed correct & paid in full

September – I think everything is finally fixed but, I realize that I was insane to think I’d have a job quickly so I call to cancel my medical benefits (I’m finally going onto hubby’s work plan) BUT, I elect to continue my cobra dental benefits for both hubby & myself…. I ask for this to go into effect October 1^st.

Mid-Oct – I receive a notification confirming cancellation of ALL my cobra benefits (dental included – WTH??)

Mid-Oct – I make countless more phone calls to try to straighten this out (each person tells me that my account is being “audited” but no one ever follows up with me).

November – I’m scheduled to go the dentist this month… do I or do I not have coverage??

Mid-November – I finally get someone on the phone who seems to have a clue.. she tells me that I’m re-activated for dental coverage for 2 people but that they are still auditing my account because there still seems to be an unpaid balance.  (If this wasn’t so damn irritating, it would be comical!)

End of November – I think this is when I receive my first return call from the company.  She tells me that they have been billing me incorrectly the entire time (literally the wrong amount) and that based on what I’ve paid them, I have enough of a credit to last me thru June of 2010 (holy crap.. that’s a huge overpayment!).  I’m sort of beside myself but at least I don’t need to make any more payments for 6 months.  I ask what happens if I get a job, and she says they’ll refund any balance to me (yeah, I believe this one… .NOT!)

So, I finish the year with a huge credit, continued dental coverage for myself & hubby and some clean, cavity free teeth from my covered dental visit. I’m celebrating a small victory even if it has taken 6 MONTHS to get this all straightened out.

2010 comes around and guess what I got in the mail this week…    A “Certificate of continued health plan coverage” from the insurance company.  I swear, I could not make this crap up!

So, as I sit here today with seemingly double medical coverage… I haven’t mailed them a check for 2 months and I have no intention of mailing them a check until June… do I call them and open up another can of worms or do I just pretend I never even got this letter.  It’s not like I actually get any answers when I contact someone there?

So, I think I’ll declare this little battle over and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that I find another job soon.  And, if this happens I’m sure I’ll have another wonderful story to share about trying to get my “refund” from this company!

I have always been a stellar procrastinator.   I think it may have been my 2^nd post ever on this blog,  where I shared the mantra my father has recently adopted.. “Why put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after”.  My dad has earned a life lived by this philosophy… after working close to 50 years he’s finally retired to enjoy a life of leisure.  And, in all honestly the man has paid his dues so if he wants to procrastinate who could possibly blame him. 

As for me, no matter what the task, how big or how small, how important or unimportant, how easy or difficult I will procrastinate.  It’s just who I am I suppose.  I do tend to procrastinate far worse when it comes to personal things than work things.  I even used to argue that I thrive on the adrenaline rush I get when my back is against the wall to complete a project.  I would often say that I do my best work “under pressure” and that I’m my sharpest when my mind is keenly focused because I must deliver on a tight timeline.  Although I still believe this to be true, and I never miss a work deadline.  The deadlines I set for myself at home seem to pass me by without so much as a blink.  

After 6+ months of unemployment I realize that there must be something more to it than that.  I have after all, been given the gift of time (such a nicer way of thinking of unemployment!).  But, what have I done with that time??

• I have blogged
• I have watched tv
• I have slept in
• I have blogged some more
• I have job hunted
• I have surfed the internet
• I have made phone calls about jobs 

I realized this past week that I have procrastinated about all the things I could have been doing at my house.  I have even procrastinated doing the things that I used to do regularly.  Perhaps this is a result of mild depression from being unemployed or perhaps I’ve hit the peak of my finely tuned ability to procrastinate.  Either way, I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to actually DO some stuff.  So, last week….

• I spackled and painted a few areas in our home that needed repair
• I filed 6 months of bills & paperwork (I’m not kidding… since I lost my job, anything new has just been added to an absurd growing “to file” pile in my office)
• I cleaned out my entire home office (which I’ve barely even entered in since I lost my job)
• I straightened out my closet (which had turned into the place to hide stuff from people who were coming over -you should have seen the enormous pile of crap that had accumulated on the floor!)
• I put away Christmas (you’d think that this one shouldn’t appear on this list.. but it was a huge undertaking.. comprising over 10 bins of stuff!) 

Hopefully this means that I’m headed in a better direction this year.  As I look around my house and wonder what I have to show for the 6 months I’ve been sitting here, I realize that my own procrastination has deemed me useless and that, my dear blog readers, is something that MUST change this year! 

What have you done today??