Posted by: Admin | November 18, 2009

Deflating My Big Fat Head

Call it what you will…. 

  • Cockiness
  • Confidence
  • Experience
  • Self Esteem
  • Knowledge
  • Ability 

Or maybe, just maybe a big head…. 

Any of these words might have described me back when I was employed.  I had regular calls from recruiters & headhunters.  I had industry contacts inquire about my future plans and I received very positive reviews and increasing responsibilities from my employers. 

And then, one day (that infamous day where the rug was ripped out from under me) it’s like someone took a little pin and pricked me in my big fat head.  And… slowly but surely, the air has been leaking my confidence right out of me.  It’s definitely been a slow leak, but I can almost feel it empty, bit by bit, day by day. 

Right about now I want to break out in song….. Cecilia you’re breaking my heart… You’re shaking my confidence daily.  (Sorry… did I mention I’m losing it??) 

Anywho…It’s simply amazing what unemployment can do to your self esteem.  I would have never, ever understood it if I wasn’t living through it myself.  I used to look at other people who were unemployed for a prolonged period and scratch my head… What were they doing?  Why was it so hard for them to find work? That wouldn’t be me… I’m sure if I lost my job I’d find new employment pretty quickly. Ignorant confidence is what I had.  I’m a hard worker, with many years of experience in my field, surely somebody would hire me quickly. 

But alas, here I am, 5 months later… wondering what the heck I was thinking…. And, as my big fat head deflates, I’m just left with a drooping shell of what I once was! 

I have an interview tomorrow…. HOORAY FOR ME! 

It’s the only interview I’ve had scheduled since August.  I used to consider myself to be a good interviewer.  I felt I was good at conveying my personality and my skill set to prospective employers.  But, I realize today, as I prep for my interview that my ego is so crushed that I lack self confidence.   And, heading to an interview without any confidence is like jumping from a plane without a parachute.  You need to know and believe that you have what you need to make it to the ground safely.  And, I need to know that I DO have the skills and the experience necessary to ace this interview. 

But, I’m shocked to find that I’m anxious, and nervous and stressed and all those other words that go along with wanting something sooooo badly! 

So, for the rest of the day, I’ll be channeling Stuart Smalley.   I’ve seated myself in front of the mirror and I’m starting my daily affirmations:

Cause…  I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

 

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Responses

  1. I hear ya man. I felt the same way when I got fired. I was unemployed for 3 years before I got work again, but it worked out for the best, because I learned to to have self-esteem and confidence whether or not I had a job, which is the best thing of all.

  2. Oh, my dear, this post resonates with me like a tuning fork pinged against a church bell.

    I had an interview the other day when the worst question possible was asked… http://www.ittybittycrazy.com/imported-data/2009/11/17/im-jus-sayin-interview.html

    I had a boss once who was unemployed for a year. I couldn’t understand it. Finally, he took a job in the middle East, far away from his family, and he has been separated from them for years.

    The confidence loss is like a helium balloon after a party, slowly sinking closer and closer to the ground.

    But here’s the thing…

    IF ALL ELSE FAILS, FAKE IT.

    Put your makeup on, put on some heels, and step out into the light!

    Because you still have all your experience, all your expertise and you deserved all the recognition you got in those reviews and from those headhunters.

    So go out there AND ROCK IT!


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